Ridiculous Moments in Tech, v1

I have worked in the I.T. field for about six years now, and throughout this period of time I have seen and heard a lot. As I prepare for school, I’m temporarily leaving the workforce. This last week, as I transfer the accounts I was responsible for to my coworkers, I have been reminiscent of the more memorable moments. I thought that sharing some of these would be a good way to add closure to my departure. I’ll likely end up writing three or four of these; I have a lot of stories.

Onsite, on a non-contract call

Me: What seems to be the issue?

Customer: The computer isn’t adding the printer and I can’t access the Internet.

Me: When did this start?

Customer: Well, I just got the printer, but the Internet has always worked until I plugged the printer in.

I examine the ports on the back of the system.

Me: Oh. Um. Your ethernet cord isn’t plugged in … because you put the printer’s USB plug into the computer’s ethernet port.

Customer: Yeah, it’s a network printer, right?

Inside the office, after I sent everyone else home on a slow day

Customer enters wearing boardshorts, stumbling slightly.

Me: Hi! What can I do for you?

Customer: Are you guys open?

Me: Um, yep, we don’t close for about twenty more minutes.

Customer: Oh. Oh sweet. I need something.

Me: Anything specific?

Customer: Um. Sound.

Me: Sound? Like, a PCI sound card?

Customer: No, no. Like, what sound comes out of. What are they called?

Me: Speakers?

Customer nods and pinches fingers together.

Customer: But smaller!

Me: Oh, um, earbuds?

Customer: YES!

Me: Oh, no, we don’t stock those unfortunately. There’s a RadioShack down the street?

Customer: They wouldn’t take my money.

Me: Oh, why is that?

Customer: Well, it’s Canadian.

Me: … oh. That’s unfortunate.

Customer giggles.

Customer: I’m stoned. I should probably go.

Me: Probably.

On a Saturday morning, when we are normally closed. I opened the office for a few hours so I could finish a project for a client. Customer enters slowly. Names have been changed.

Customer: Hi. Um, do you know Cody?

Me: I know a few Cody’s?

Customer: He’s about your height.

Me: Gonna need a little more information, what this about?

Customer: Well he just hasn’t been home in a long time, I just wondered if he’s okay.

Me: If he’s missing, this is probably more a matter for like, the police?

Customer: Oh, no, I know where he is. He left the house. My daughter did too, she went to the University of Hawaii. They teach communism down there, you know. Karl Marx and all that stuff.

Me: Oh… I see.

Customer: Yeah… it’s sickening, really. Socialism is destroying everything. Did you hear they’re trying to make the government pay for Medicare?

Me: … I should probably get back to work.

On-site at a new client after-hours, doing a network survey for an office having connectivity issues. I had the client take me to the wiring closet. Patch cables were stripped two inches past the RJ-45 jacks, some had broken retention clips.

Me: Oh, gosh. This is a mess.

Customer: What’s wrong?

Me: The way the patch cables are terminated, you’ll have so much interference going on. Connectivity drops and packet loss are common when cables so close together are completely unshielded. We’ll need to re-terminate most of these and completely rerun the lines that don’t have enough extra coiled up.

Customer: No, that can’t be it. My husband and son wired this. He’s built a plane before. He’s a doctor. Pretty sure he can handle some wires.

Me: With all due respect, ma’am, I wouldn’t let a rocket scientist wire my network. It has nothing to do with intelligence. Plenty of people are completely capable of learning how to change oil in an automobile, but you still take your car to a mechanic.

Customer: It’s not the wires.

Me: I don’t know what to tell you, ma’am. If you won’t let us rewire it, the issue probably won’t get resolved.

Customer: You guys are worthless, I want to terminate my contract.

Me: Gladly. You can even have a refund for the contract.

Customer: Really?

Me: Yep. Now, since this is no longer contracted work, and it’s after 8pm, the hour for the survey will be $250. We’ll bill you. Have a nice evening.

Check back next week for Ridiculous Moments in Tech, v2.